Am I doing the right thing?

That't the question I always ask myself before doing/committing to something. I analyse and carefully think through  my actions, especially when another person is involved. Always trying to be mature and reasonable. I always think : " Hey, at least I won't regret it next time! " I do. I absolutely do.

I regret being born an anti-social person.
I regret not taking care of myself.
I regret invalidating my own feelings to make sure I don't hurt others.
I regret not getting angry at people when they hurt me.

I have taken all the shit from people and what do I get in return? Nothing. Absolutely fucking nothing. I can't even make a decision now without thinking "But will it be ok with the other person? Am I being objective here?". I have literally made decisions that made me cry at night, just so the other person wouldn't be hurt. Then I have to pretend I'm all right in the morning. It's like once I'm out of the confines of my room, it's : Lights, camera, action!

I don't know how I learned to disregard my own feelings like this when I live with a bunch of selfish people.

I want to live, goddamnit. Where's my will?