You.

I'm heartbroken. I am angry. I want to scream and hit things. But that won't make a difference, will it? 7 years of friendship gone like this. I want to be angry at you, but I can't justify that. For what's it worth, I am sorry and I hope you know I love you like family. And I do wish you all the best for your future, and I hope you'll get better. Maybe in the future it'll be different for us. Maybe. 

I hate feeling this weak. Feeling like I'm going to tear up any moment. Feeling so upset I've begun to actually talk about my feelings. And I know, if you tell me you didn't mean it I would force myself to believe it. Fucking hate it. I don't want to be weak. I don't want to lose you either. But I've known you for so long and yet it seems like I've completely misjudge and mistrusted you. I want you to prove me wrong, please?

You.

We've known each other for almost 10 years and not a word to me and her for the past year? And not because the lack of trying on our part. What happened, what did we do? I won't judge until I hear what you have to say, but is that even going to happen?

And you.

We were going to be fantastic, at least I thought so. I understand what you want, but I wish you would want to lean on me in times like this, like I want to lean on you. I only can hope that we can be as close as before. I really enjoyed out times together, then AND now, I just hope that continues. I don't really know how I feel about this exactly, it hasn't fully hit me yet. All I know is that I miss you already but you're right there. So close yet so far, right? I promise you, it doesn't have to be like this. We don't have to do anything, just talk to me. We are still friends, right? At least treat me like before, right now it feels so distant.

I feel like I'm going to collapse any moment. One thing after another, the timing can't be more horrible. It feels like everyone's slowly leaving me and my very pessimistic prediction of dying alone is coming true. Only thing keeping me distracted is work. I now understand how people can throw themselves into their work completely. 

In the end, I just want someone who will love me just as much I love them, and stay by me forever. Because as much as I'd like to deny it, I'm just an insecure little girl. I keep telling myself I will be ok, and I know I will be, but is it too much to ask to be happy as well? I don't want to be harden by life, I didn't want to turn out like this. I wanted to be a nice, loving person, yet here I am. Like this.

I honestly don't know what to say.